They Love Me… They Love Me Not…

Confession: I want everyone to love me. And not only that, but I have a REAL problem when someone doesn’t love me.

Perhaps this roots from my people-pleasing nature. Perhaps I just like to feel popular and get to know lots and lots of people. Perhaps its part of my “entertaining personality”. Whatever the case it may be, I have known I’ve been like this forever. And if you know me well at all, you’ve probably already noticed this in me as well.

I don’t think its necessarily a BAD quality to have. Everyone wants to be liked. To have friends. But as I learn and grow, I have certainly hit brick walls where I realize that its just not possible for everyone to like me. You just can’t win them all. And I HATE that!

After moving to this wonderful new church I am working at now, I have been thrown into a new world where I feel the pressure to have everyone to like me. It’s like when I moved to a different school in third grade… that horrible gnawing feeling when I walked into my new classroom that first day…

Being so close to my Crest View family and particularly my Crest View youth… I already had feelings of heartbreak… then to add on top of it… these new feelings of being inadequate and vulnerable and most of all: alone. You all know me, I am a confident girl. But more than ever before I felt that longing to be liked.

Over the next month or so, I kept my biggest smile on, used my best sense of humor, planned the most fun things, brought food and presents every time I turned around, and did everything I could possibly think of to help get people to like me. Let me stop here and reassure you that ALL of these things were out of the most genuine spirit… I was never trying to be some faker…I really do all of those things naturally in every case. Just, now, there was this nagging issue of being paranoid and deeply worried that I just wouldn’t be enough in the eyes of this new church that I was at. That maybe this girl they hired was not all they hoped for and needed. And I saw the needs. I quickly felt the needs of the people. And then I realized what the real issue was. I couldn’t do it.

I can’t make people like me.
I can’t fix everyone’s problems.
I can’t help a church, a youth group, and some children grow.
I can’t.

But God can.

So- Instead of getting people to fall in love with me.
I need to do my part in getting people to fall in love with the Savior.

It’s not about me- It’s all about Him.

It seems obvious. Like, whoa Kendal… don’t you think you should have realized this a LONG time ago. Of course. And I’m sure I did. But its a constant struggle, isn’t it? A constant pull to having God as our focus at one point and almost in the same breath we put ourselves back as number one. As if WE are the ones that are fixing things and in control. It’s much deeper than realizing who I should want people to be in love with when they meet me.

May my heart not be broken simply because people don’t like ME… but rather would my heart be broken for those who reject our LORD. And may that broken heart be the driving force in my ministry to bring people to the saving knowledge of God.

And as sweet and innocent as it is that I want people to like me- all I can do is reflect the love of God to others and let the power of God’s love and the message of His Word do the work.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that. 🙂

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~ by Kendal on April 2, 2011.

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